Thirty, Flirty and Thriving- Nearly

In 48hours time I turn 30. I know, I can’t believe it either. In the run up to entering the next decade of my life I have been doing a lot of reflecting and that’s what has led me to writing this piece.

My Mum and I had a good chat the other day about turning 30 and how I was feeling about it. I was surprised to learn that my Mum struggled with her thirtieth birthday. I was surprised because she had everything 7 year old Alix aspired to have – marriage, 3 children and a lovely house. For me growing up, these were incredibly important to me and to an extent they still are but I am so incredibly thankful that I haven’t met my person yet because I have achieved so much more in the past decade than I may have done if I settled down at an earlier age.

For those people who know me or have read my previous blog posts, you will know my twenties were not easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have experienced some incredible highs but some serious lows which led me to rock bottom and there were concerns that I wouldn’t even be here to celebrate my thirtieth due to the seriousness of my depression and anxiety. I read a quote recently and it spoke to me ‘I am thankful for every day I wake up’. It is inevitable that there are days when I feel utter rubbish or my anxiety is uncontrollable or I don’t want to get out of bed but I am still here to experience it and for that alone, I am determined to enter my thirties with a much more positive mindset knowing I am going to achieve my teaching degree and the world is my oyster.

My twenties have been an adventure and I am so extremely proud of everything I have achieved. Sure there are things that I would rather forget about but that’s what makes me human and I recently started a ‘cringe box’ in which I write down something that I would rather forget about and stash it away. For me writing throughout my twenties has been such a help and it is now a habit that I will continue with. I didn’t think I enjoyed writing as much as I do, but it is one of my many forms of therapy. From writing this blog to keeping a journal and dream diary, writing my thoughts and feelings down means my mind feels lighter and that can only be a good thing.

Because I couldn’t complete my 30 things to do before I’m 30 (thanks Covid), I am going to create a list of 30 things I am proud of myself for doing/achieving throughout my twenties. This is an incredibly varied list and it isn’t in any particular order. I was going to try and write the list in accordance to what year things took place but things have just blended together so here we go…

Graduated from York St. John University
Travelled to Australia
Travelled to New Zealand
Travelled to Sri Lanka on a group tour and saw Indian elephants roaming in the National Parks.
Volunteered with Archelon in Kyparissia, Greece
Travelled around Greece
Completed my TEFL course
Lived and worked in Italy for 12months
Got accepted into university to complete my PGCE
Awarded Volunteer of the Year – Staffordshire Rugby
Completed my Level 2 Rugby Coaching Award
Set up the first girl’s rugby section at Walsall RFC
Awarded Volunteer of the Year- Staffordshire Rugby
Learnt to play my Ukulele
Acknowledged and have continued to seek help for my mental health
Did the Nevis Swing in Queenstown, New Zealand
Left a job that was making me incredibly miserable despite the financial benefits and no back up plan
Learnt Italian (not great but I could order drinks, book a table at a restaurant, swear proficiently and ask/answer basic questions – it got me by )
Acknowledged which friends were good and which were bad for me and made the difficult decision to distance myself from those people.
Started to feel comfortable within myself and like who I am
Having the courage to start this blog
Got my first tattoo
Had my nose pierced (parents were not keen but they have grown to like it)
Read more and choose a wider variety of books (eg. started Gone with the Wind 3 weeks ago and still plodding my way through it- determined not to give up)
Started going to yoga classes and learnt to meditate.
Treated my parents and myself to a meal at Purnell’s Restaurant in Birmingham
Survived a very intense lockdown in Italy and managed to avoid insanity- dancing to Stronger by Britney Spears using the mop as a microphone doesn’t count
Bought tickets for my parents, brother and I to go to the World Cup Semi-Final Match in Cardiff.
Went to my first festival (it may have only been for a day but it still counts, right?!)
Started a virtual walking challenge ‘Land’s End to John O’Groats’ in January and am still going strong (walked 514.08km so far)

So there you have it, my top thirty things I am proud of myself for doing/achieving during my twenties. I am so ready to start my next chapter. Come on thirties, let’s see what you’ve got in store!

Hello 2021!

Hello 2021,

Is it just me or has the first week of January seemed to last forever?!

When the news broke last week announcing we were to go back into lockdown – I wasn’t angry, I was just disappointed. It wasn’t a surprise to me in the slightest, in actual fact I wanted us to go into lockdown a lot earlier but it still didn’t soften the blow.

This lockdown seems harder somehow and I am not entirely sure why. Sure the lockdown I endured when I lived in Italy was a lot tougher- we weren’t allowed to exercise outside, I had no garden and I was living in front of a computer screen which isn’t my cup of tea but on reflection I think it made it easier. We knew everyone was obeying the rules and those who tried to break them were getting severely punished for their actions. Compare that with the UK, I don’t honestly believe you can say the same thing has happened. We are in the second week of lockdown and yet covid rates are still rising. It is so incredibly frustrating for the majority of us who are obeying the rules and are doing everything we possibly can to slow down the rate of infection in the hope ‘normality’ returns sooner rather than later…

Now that my little rant/moan is over and done with, I am going to look at 2021 with as much positivity and optimism as I can possibly muster. This might be a lot trickier than I first envisioned but I am determined to make it happen and I have set myself goals (not resolutions) to help.

I am not one for resolutions because I normally end up breaking them 2 days after I started them, so this year I decided to start on the 4th January. Yes it was 3 days late but this way I had the time to drink the alcohol I desired, ate as much cheese I wanted, finished any leftovers I craved and enjoyed my goodies from the festive period. By approaching the changes I want to make this way I don’t feel like I am missing out as much as I normally would have done and I am hoping it will prove a good source of motivation…

So with that being said, what am I hoping to achieve this year?!

Walk at least 100km every month/ 5km+ daily
Raise money for Parkinson’s Charity
Do at least 3 dry months from alcohol (not necessarily consecutively)
Blog more
Learn to play my guitar and ukulele
Couch to 5k.
Practice meditation/mindfulness twice a week and increase as I see fit.

By no means is this my extensive list of things I want to achieve in 2021 but these are what I consider the most important. Getting fit and healthy is my top priority for the year I turn 30. Exercise was my lifesaver in my first lockdown when I was in Italy and since coming home, it has been very easy not to exercise at all. This is something I want and am determined to change. I want to become fitter, leaner and I know it is exceptionally good for my mental health. Since returning from Italy I have been walking Barney (my dog) daily and on most occasions over 5km but I want to challenge myself. I want to walk further and find different routes because as lovely as the Arboretum is, it gets quite boring visiting it daily. In addition to walking over 5km a day, I am determined and I can’t believe I’m going to say this, start to run. I hate running! I hated it when I played rugby but the bonus of smashing into people made it bearable but 2021 is the year I am going to run. I have downloaded the Couch to 5k app and under the cover of darkness I will begin this month (wish me luck).

As some of you might be aware, my Nan passed away in December and because of the Covid restrictions we were only allowed 10 people at the funeral which was incredibly disappointing for a woman so wonderful. Nan suffered from Parkinson’s disease but she never complained about the pain she was undoubtedly in and only referred to it as ‘the bloody shakes’ which always made us smile. Due to the small number allowed at her funeral, we didn’t get the opportunity to raise funds for the Parkinson’s charity who desperately need it so I suggested the family come together and should do different challenges to raise money in her memory. This means I am going to be researching different fundraising ideas in order to raise important funds for an illness that isn’t very well understood by many- even the sufferers families like us. In order to stick to this, I will be posting more regular blog posts so I am not only holding myself accountable but you wonderful people can hold me accountable too.

Some of the other goals I have set are to ensure I maintain my mental wellness. As you all know I have encountered some serious problems in regards to the depression and anxiety I experience and continue to deal with on a daily basis. I am on anti-depressants, I see my counsellor when I need to and I am incredibly fortunate to have a great relationship with my GP who continually reviews me and my medication. For Christmas I received a silent mind bowl and I am determined to use it. Mindfulness and meditation is not something I find particularly easy and I think this maybe a result of me trying to do it when I was in a heightened state of anxiety but the results achieved by people practicing mindfulness speak for themselves and that is what is motivating me. I want to feel more at peace with myself and with the strange times we are living in currently, I think it can be a good start and I hope to build upon it throughout the year.

The other goals I have set myself are much more for my enjoyment rather than any end goal. I love writing and when I sit down to write a blog post I am reminded how therapeutic and enjoyable I find it to be. This year I want to use this space more frequently – I want to share more of my life, my experiences and update you with the different challenges I have set myself. Another challenge is learn how to play my guitar. In 2018 I bought myself a beautiful acoustic guitar because I kept having a recurring dream of me playing one on a beach and I decided it was my calling. Well, I’ve had it now for nearly 3 years and have mastered 3 chords. This needs to change ASAP.

Reading, cooking, watching different films are also part of my goals. In the first lockdown I compiled a list of books I wanted to read, films I wanted to watch and it really helped me. It is incredibly easy of me to pick up a book I have read a couple of times or sit down to watch a film I have already seen because it is comforting. I found out my anxiety causes me to choose things where I know what and when something happens so by doing this and setting myself goals, I am becoming less restricted which is only a good thing.

This year I have a lot to look forward to and I need to keep reminding myself of this fact; I am turning 30, I am starting university again in September to do a PGCE course and hopefully it is the end of lockdown which means bottomless brunches, cocktails and socialising isn’t too far away. I know it is going to be tricky but fingers crossed the aims I have set will continue to aid me with keeping my positive outlook, and as I said, I will ensure to write more about it on here!

Happy 2021 to you all- we can do this!

Life in Lockdown

As the majority of you know, I have been living in Modena, Italy for the past 5months. The past 5months have been rewarding and at times a little challenging, but this week has been the most challenging period I (and the locals) have faced, and what is more concerning there is nothing we can do except wait…

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On Sunday 23rd February, I was sat in my apartment with my flatmate (and co-worker) and our friend (another co-worker) drinking beer and watching England beat Ireland. My parents had been visiting me and they left on the 22nd February, which turned out to be the best time to leave Italy. Once the game had finished we all received an email stating all schools in Emilia-Romagna, Veneto & Lombardy were going to be closed due to the Coronavirus outbreak. This email was not met with shocked expressions, feelings of worry but instead it was met by 2 English and 1 Scotsman chanting Sunday Sesh and then proceeding to go to pubs and celebrate having a week off work. You might think we were mad but at the time there was nothing out there to cause massive concern. It is quite funny to look at our actions in comparison with the scenes I have seen in the UK as we had a similar amount of outbreaks as the UK does now but no-one here was panic buying toilet roll, pasta etc. Instead we went out drinking and the parents were panicking about what to do with their children as they still had to work.

In that week off we tried to go to the park as much as possible to enjoy the sunshine, fresh air and pass the rugby ball (my flatmate bought one so we were all very excited). On Monday/Tuesday the park was full, parents, grandparents, children running round and riding their bikes but as the week progressed, you noticed fewer people out and about. I am still a novice when it comes to Italian but I was seeing what the UK press were saying about the Italian situation and it did not paint a good picture. On Friday of that week it was announced all schools in the regions previously affected will remain closed but due to our school being slightly different we could open but run a very reduced programme.

I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t particularly keen to head back to work because I was becoming more aware that people be could be carrying the virus and not be aware of it but after 1 week in lockdown, going into work turned out to be a blessing in disguise. When at work we had to ensure we were 1meter away from all students, ensure we don’t touch our face and always remember to cough/sneeze into your elbow/tissue. I took anti-bacterial gel, tissues and tied my hair up so I could adhere to the rules but what I wasn’t prepared for, was the mass hysteria that was created after I coughed- immediately students were getting their anti-bac out, tissues, wiping the sofa etc. A lot of students unsurprisingly cancelled that week as the coronavirus was spreading a lot quicker than anyone could have predicted and people (quite rightly) didn’t want to risk being in a small place with other people without masks etc.

On the 7th March, all the teachers at the school were added to a WhatsApp group entitled ‘Coronavirus Advisory Group’ and I just knew restrictions were going to be enforced and this is when I started to panic. Not because of the virus itself, but what the restrictions would be and the repercussions. The Government had placed Modena inside the Red-Zone which meant no-one could enter and no-one could leave. With all schools in the red zone closed until the 3rd April, it was decided we would do 3 live lessons a day online to keep the students engaged and learning English in this time of upheaval.

On the 9th March it was announced the whole of Italy was now in the red-zone and with this news came a lot more restrictions and rules we had to adhere to. It was originally planned that we would continue to do online lessons until at least today (13.03.20) but after a Government meeting we had to leave the school yesterday (12.03.20) by 11am. The news that we have been told is we are not allowed to leave our homes unless absolutely necessary, if we do leave the house for whatever reason we must carry at least 2 permits (1 for your outbound journey and 1 for the return) as police are within their rights to stop, ask where you are going and if you don’t have a permit you could receive a fine or 3months in jail. Also, only the supermarket and pharmacy’s are open so you are literally trapped.

With this news, the first thing I did after a very quick walk home so I didn’t get stopped by the police was make a list of the books I want to read, the films I want to watch, different exercises I can do to keep my mind and body healthy, a daily plan and stuck them on my wall. I think I’m going to call it ‘My Keeping Sane’ wall. When I was very unwell with depression and anxiety; my mum, doctor and counsellor suggested that I write a daily plan to keep my mind focussed and make me feel accomplished after completing something. Whilst I am feeling very well mentally, I am all too aware that these situations can make me feel unsettled and I need to be proactive. Also, when I was very unwell, the only thing I wanted to do was clean. If I felt anxious, angry, tired, frustrated I cleaned and at times I couldn’t leave the house until the job was done to my standard, so while having an invisible virus that is infecting millions is not the best thing for me to mentally deal with, I want to ensure I clean but don’t slip into the same debilitating and exhausting routine.

I am writing this sat on my balcony in a t-shirt enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. It is so strange to see what is normally a busy road so quiet and the majority of the cars out and about are police cars. People are allowed to walk their dogs but despite the warm weather they are wrapped up in thick coats, scarves, surgical gloves and masks. They are looking up at me thinking I am completely barmy as I am ‘unprotected’ and at times I feel like I am in a completely different universe-being lockdown is the strangest feeling ever. You are in your home where nothing has changed but once you step out the doors (with your permits) you realise everything is different. The supermarket shelves are bare (maybe not as bare as in the UK), people are unable to earn as their shops/bars/restaurants have to be closed until at least the 3rd April, people won’t leave their homes without masks and surgical gloves, people will walk down another aisle to avoid touching a stranger, and children are playing in their back gardens with surgical gloves and masks on.

From what I understand, Italy has not yet hit its peak and with the announcement that Rome has shut all churches until the 3rd April, it is only a matter of time until other cities/towns follow suit. These are very strange times but with ‘My Keeping Sane’ wall I intend to accomplish a lot; become a lot fitter, well read and watch films which doesn’t have cartoon animals singing (sorry Disney). If you have any other suggestions to help keep me sane please let me know!