No Negativity in New Zealand

It is amazing how one missed phone call and voicemail message has the ability to make me a complete and utter mess.

Yesterday, I awoke to a notification on my phone that I had missed a call from someone who is not meant to contact me (no, i am not going to say who it is). Since arriving in New Zealand I have continued to struggle, with my anxiey in particular, but due to being in a place I have always dreamt about visiting and exploring, the challenge has worked. I have fought through my negativity and anxiety to experience what I wantto experience. But, this one single notification caused me to have severe anxiety which led onto me being on edge throughout the day- not what I wanted to happen when it was the first full day I had to spend with Liam and Lauren- we were exploring Nelson (a place they hadn’t been around properly).

The drive to Nelson was beautiful- if not a little windy in certain places, and because I was driving my mind was completely focussed on the journey. As soon as we got to Nelson, I knew I had to get money out and that was what I fixated on. I have not struggled with this since arriving and I found it utterly frustrating. I had travelled across the world to spend time with my brother and here I was marching off to get money but no matter what I did to calm down I could not relax until I knew I had it.  Luckily, Liam and Lauren were being particularly patient with me and once I had it, I elaxed into walking around and admiring Nelson.

Walking around towns here is such a different experience compared to home. Everwhere is so clean and people are just very chilled compared to peole at home constantly rushing from a to b. I think this will definitely help me in the longrun as I had deliberately avoided town at home for as long as possible due to the noise and people about.

Despite relaxing slightly, due to not being a particular fan of shopping I started to get agitated and wanted to move onto the next thing. This next thing I was particularly fixated on was going to see the sea. I can’t explain my sudden fixation with the water since being here other than it just calms me. With the other 2 starting to get hungry, we compromised and drove to a place right on the water front and it was stunning. The view from the large window was incredible and the food matched. It was definitely the right thing to do for all of us.

After the fabulous lunch (and cheeky cocktail Lauren made me have) we headed to the beach. There is something about the sea air which just makes me relax and turn off my internal thoughts. It was such a beautifully peaceful beach and I felt my anxieties ease.

We decided to head back home after the beach trip as Liam had rugby training and because they had not done it, I insisted we went back via the Queen Charlotte Drive. Despite only driving it the other day, it was still as incredible as the first day I saw it and because of the changes in weather it looked completely different and had an amazingly different effect on me.

Today,  I have headed on a 6hr drive down to Franz Josef Glacier and Fox Glacier. 6hours in a car sounds like absolute hell but I promise you it wasn’t. The roads here are so different to home and the views are just out of this world with plenty of places to pull over to have a rest with lakes or mountains as view, instead of a kfc or mcdonalds. Also, it was the perfect opportunity to blast out my music and sing knowing noone else could hear me.

Despite how at ease I was for the majority of the drive, there was one thought causing me anxiety and this was how much petrol I had. Due to service stations not exisiting here, I was constantly checking my range even though I knew I had enough and knowing there were plenty of petrol stations on the way. Again, it was infuriating and tiring, but I worked hard to take in my surroundings as I was taught by my therapist in order to ground me which in turn calms me down and clear any negative thoughts.

Franz Josef itself is incredible. It has one main strip and is surrounded by mountains and of course the glacier. My room for the night is just up the road from the glacier which will be great to check out tomorrow. It isn’t easy for me to be a solo traveller but I know I am doing the right thing for me at this moment in time. I have to push myself and whilst I write this I am sat in a bar alone having a drink, waiting for food and lots of people walk past and look. Inside i want to run- but i am staying, smiling and sometimes even say hi. I know I need to conquer this and I think this will be the best way as I certainly would not have the chance to do this at home.

Everyone I’ve met in New Zealand so far- locals and travellers alike- are so incredibly chilled and happy. This alone makes me aware that I am in the right place to help conquer my mental health problems right now. As Liam said to me 4 days ago; there is no negativity in New Zealand and the more time I spend here, the more apprent this becomes.

No Negativity in New Zealand is Definitely the mantra I will be adhering to for the rest of my journey.